Talking About Automobiles

Last weekend, the ‘Whit Car’ annual study of car ownership was released. Among the surprising results, it has been notable that the ‘Wankers’ are now attracted to own an Audi, more than a BMW. And, the Audi A4 was significantly their model of choice.

Based on the study, the most of Audi drivers are those people who consider themselves as ‘Smug gits who think they own the road’. Also, they were more likely to ‘hog the outside lane at 95 mph, flashing cars ahead of them to get out of their way” and even ‘nip over the center line when overtaking parked vehicles causing oncoming traffic to break suddenly, even though they don’t have right of way’.

Bernard Bumpersticker of ‘Whit Car’ Magazine, according to an article in thespoof.com, said, “Your typical Audi Driver, is likely to be male, between the ages of 30-45, in a high paying job, an arrogant arsehole, with no real friends except those that want to network with him. He also has a faint smell of cheese about his person who he masks with Hugo Boss aftershave.” “But this is of no surprise really as this market segment has been very heavily targeted by Audi. Drivers now know, that when they see the familiar Audi rings in their rear view mirror, what sort of person is just an inch away from their rear bumper,” he added.

Bumpersticker even commented on BMW’s fall and said, “BMW owners tend to fall into two categories, those who are trying hard to impress but don’t have enough sense to realize that they are ten years too late and teenage drug dealers. I’m sure though that once BMW they sort out their marketing they will become fashionable to tosspots again.”

Before any of you BMW fans get all riled up with the German brand losing to Audi and all, please take note that this is just a fictitious little story from the comedy writers at thespoof.com. You know, they can always make the BMW the winner next time.